AN UNUSUAL ENCOUNTER WITH A SLAY QUEEN

I’m presently on my way to Lagos from the East. I sit between slay Queens. Those ones that speak from the nose and stand like people with polio. I would think they were supposed to fly as against using commercial bus options like me. This is an option for the poor and the downtrodden like me.
I tried rather nonchalantly to start a conversation with one of the slay queens. The finest of them
because her lips were covered with shiny, shiny and her fingers were engraved in silver coatings. She called my bluff and only managed to reply. I smiled. I have seen a lot of women not to know and spot their type easily. The ones like this particular one are the ones who have nothing to offer than a good time in bed. Their phonetics is only used to create sizzling, enchanting impressions which is easily eroded when they try to hold a deep chat. You see immediately the empty insides of the brain. You become disappointed.
God was in me. I have decided not to talk to anyone arrogantly. I stomached the small issue that played out when I was to get my ticket. She was not in sight. I counted only two women before me. Then she resurfaced and said “Bros, I am dey your front”—-I pretended not to hear her. She repeated it. I moved closer to the official writing the ticket, she exploded like a dynamite speaking some combination of Swahili and Chinese language. I am not usually a gentleman but I pretended to be. I gave her the chance. “Slayer, enter line please”

The matter ended. God is happy. Everybody is happy too.
But in my mind, I looked her up and down and could only say the Lord’s prayer for the Buffon who ends with this one forever as life partner. I serve a living God. He makes public spectacle of all my enemies. In fact this is more like a testimony.
In few hours, Slayers also known as slay queen was begging the bus to come to a halt. Because SHIT. She wanted to poo. I stifled my giggle and asked her “Biko, what did you eat?” —she cried out, just mango o!. I felt her pain. At this time the Mary Kay have parted like parallel lines. Mary on one side, Kay at the end of the other side. She half pulled down her trousers to reveal a pink G-strings pant. Damn. I couldn’t stop looking. I thought about fornication.
“Bros help me talk to the driver please” She said to me. She needed my help. I smiled at the transition from arrogance to subservience and humility. Shit will humble you. Hot shit that want to come out and disgrace you. Driver was adamant. He said that place was too dangerous to stop because robbers have tormented them at that end times without number.
I used my fake James bond voice “Stop, let her shit abeg” maybe I am more than I think I am. Driver looked at me and stopped. “Let her shit quickly” he said. She goes down with haste. I think she may shit small on her pink pants. I wonder why I have been thinking of her pant and her ass was very big and curvy.
She comes back after ‘shiting.’
“But you did not wash your hands” I said. Okay that is a lie. I noticed she did not wash her hands and I actually gave her my bottled water to do so. Slay queen can also be dirty inside, I said to myself. Some of them can even eat with faeces on their finger tips. Father lord of moses!!! She kept looking at me all through the journey. I am at Ore, I am sure she will give me her Mobile number because I saved her from disgracing herself.
Praise the Lord.